How to Help a Friend

Getting help isn't always easy, so when a friend lets you know they’re in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, it may be hard to know what to do. Let them know they’re not alone. Here’s how to offer support.

Know the Warning Signs
Trust your gut: if you notice your friend acting different, trust it! Check in on them and ask.

A few things to remember when you are talking with them:

Listen to them, believe them, and don’t judge or blame them.
Be mindful of their experience before they decided to talk about it. You may not know how long they’ve endured the abuse.
Never make them or tell them to break up with the abuser. This is problematic for two main reasons:
- Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time in the relationship
- Around 70% of the murders that happen in domestic or dating violence relationships happen when the victim is leaving.
On average, it takes 7 instances of abuse for a victim to leave an abusive relationship. So, be patient and understanding with them.

Reassure them and don’t let them blame themselves:

Tell them “It’s not your fault” and that they didn’t deserve to be hurt.
Don’t tell them what to do, suggest help and support them as they decide what they are ready for and when they will reach out for help.
Help them safety plan and make sure they're safe (here’s how to Safety Plan)
Your friend may not be ready to leave their relationship. Continue to support them and let them know you are there and there IS help available.
Provide resources for your friend, such as TAP808, or the crisis text line 741-741, see below for other community resources.

TAP808!

Domestic Violence Action Center (DVAC):

Crisis Text Line 741-741