What is Consent ?

When many people hear the word “consent,” they expect to open the door to an awkward conversation when it doesn’t have to be. There are many ways to ask your partner if they are ok with engaging in different activities. A simple phrase like, “Are you ok with this?”, “Would you like to keep going?”, “Would you like to stop?”, is asking for that person’s consent. It is important to make sure that everyone involved is comfortable with the proposed activity before, during, and after. 

Planned Parenthood has created the acronym, FRIES, which makes it easier to remember the 5 key aspects of consent. FRIES stands for freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. Let’s dive a little deeper into all five aspects that must be clear when obtaining consent:

1. Freely Given: When consent is freely given, this indicates that there was no coercion involved and the person agreed to the particular activity at their own free will. 

2. Reversible: Consent is always reversible, which means that a person may agree to an activity earlier in the day or week and then realize that they no longer want to proceed. If someone reverses their decision to partake in an activity, that does not mean to guilt them into proceeding. Their decision to stop should be respected! 

3. Informed: Consent is always informed. This means knowing exactly what is happening before, during, and after the activity. 

4. Enthusiastic: This is important when getting consent because only “yes” means “yes.” If there is any uncertainty or hesitation, then stop.  

5. Specific: This means to be firm in setting boundaries and making it clear about what you will or will not engage in.

As you see within this acronym, consent is not based on how a person dresses, gender roles, or saying “yes” under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. Consent is given when a person has a clear mind and is able to communicate exactly what they want and do not want to do in order for everyone involved to come to a mutual agreement.