Conflict Resolution

Arguments happen in even the most healthy relationships, and that is simply because people differ. The arguments can be about anything ranging from borrowing something without asking, lying to your partner(s), a decrease in intimacy, or so many other problems that arise within a relationship. The process to resolving conflict can also serve as a great indicator of whether your relationship is going in a healthy or unhealthy direction.

Some conflicts can be resolved in one sitting, but there are many conflicts that take time and consistent effort to resolve. Healthy communication is vital in the resolution process because it means everyone feels heard, understood, and respected. When you are in the middle of an argument and you begin to yell or feel your anger stirring you in a direction that is not healthy, try to incorporate some of the following healthy verbal and non-verbal methods to express how you feel:

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VERBAL COMMUNICATION

  • Take turns talking

  • Ask open-ended questions

  • Don’t jump to conclusions

  • Verbalize and own your feelings

  • Use I-statements

  • Focus on finding a solution to the problem

  • Stay on the present topic

 

Using I-Statements

I-Statements are a simple and effective way to phrase your side of a conversation or argument. Unlike you-statements, I-statements allow you to take ownership of your own thoughts, feelings, wants, and experiences.

The formula for I-statements is:

I feel (name feeling) because (describe issue without blame). What I want is (specify wants/needs).

 

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

  • Listen without judgement

  • Stay in control of your feelings

  • Talk face-to-face

  • Control your tone, gestures, and body language

  • Find the right time to talk

  • Talk when you’re both calm

  • Know when to take a timeout or a break

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